Pun-itive damages too
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jpaw
Posts: 80
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 Posted: 12:26PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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That joke was worthy of Repunsel.
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MAvanzi 
Posts: 17485
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Posted: 12:31PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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Stop Punning And Start Flashing.
gotta put your heart on the line, if you wanna make it right, you've got to reach out and try, gotta put your heart on the line, if you wanna get it right, gotta put it all on the line. |
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jpaw
Posts: 80
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Posted: 12:33PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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Let grab a PUNcil to write that down.
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locked_in_hell 
Posts: 6013
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Posted: 12:45PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"
-->* I shall follow the moon in the darkest of the night* |
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MAvanzi
Posts: 17485
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Posted: 12:49PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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 That's Is Brilliant.
gotta put your heart on the line, if you wanna make it right, you've got to reach out and try, gotta put your heart on the line, if you wanna get it right, gotta put it all on the line. |
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locked_in_hell
Posts: 6013
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Posted: 12:53PM Oct 30, 2007 |
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A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say "moo." Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, "Moo? What's the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ?" "Isn't it obvious?" the bull replies. "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."
-->* I shall follow the moon in the darkest of the night* |
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 02:46PM Oct 31, 2007 |
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A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 03:01PM Oct 31, 2007 |
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I must be pretty smart! Last night, my daughter said I was All No-ing. 
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 05:23PM Nov 1, 2007 |
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. "
"It's just Beethoven decomposing."
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zonahobo
Posts: 2354
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Posted: 10:08PM Nov 1, 2007 |
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Though gravely concerning, I found that one plumb tickled me to death! 
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jpaw
Posts: 80
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Posted: 10:10PM Nov 1, 2007 |
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I found the delivery a little stiff
Real eyes, Realize, Real lies |
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 06:34AM Nov 2, 2007 |
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Confucius Says:
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man who love and loses, have not right lawyer.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
---This message was edited on 06:36AM Nov 2, 2007---
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Radioguy
Posts: 3282
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Posted: 07:14AM Nov 2, 2007 |
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Confucius Says also:
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who slides down staircase banister to success get a splinter in his carear.
Television is called a medium because it is seldom rare or well done. --- Are you a trivia buff? Join "1 vs. 100" to put your intellect to the test.--- |
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 07:20AM Nov 2, 2007 |
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Did I tell you guys about how I met my wife? We were at one of those 5 minute speed dating set-ups, and Sunrose really liked me and 2 other guys.
She told us, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the first guy (a banker I think) says, "I love liver and cheese," to which she replied, "That's not good enough."
The second guy (maybe a lawyer) said, "I hate liver and cheese," and she told him, "That's not creative enough."
So I told them, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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guylad
Posts: 1846
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Posted: 11:44AM Nov 2, 2007 |
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At school one day the teacher asked her class."Can anyone use the words detail,defance and defeat all in the same sentence?"
Little Johnny immediately shot his hand up.The teacher loked high and low for anyone else .Johnny had given her some troublesome answers before.No one else had their hand up .She mulled it over and figured theres no way he can do anything bad with it.So she ahe said "Ok Johnny what is your sentence."
Johnny stood up and proudly stated "The cow jumped over de fence ,de feet before de tail."
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 11:54PM Nov 3, 2007 |
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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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jpaw
Posts: 80
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Posted: 12:01AM Nov 4, 2007 |
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That last pun was a little plane.
Real eyes, Realize, Real lies |
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 02:06PM Nov 4, 2007 |
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There are three rings involved in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and suffering.
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Steve1973
Posts: 700
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Posted: 06:56AM Nov 5, 2007 |
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Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
A: Pi a'la mode.
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zonahobo
Posts: 2354
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Posted: 02:35PM Nov 16, 2007 |
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(Funny one from e-mail .. )
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists though t it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter" The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't hve the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some #### in administration.
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