OLOY: Only LOSERS o8ey yolo
Posted: 07:49AM Jun 24, 2012||
Greetings my Sci-Fi loving brethren! Welcome to the first edition of my guide on how to make the most of your Science Fiction experience in your daily lives. Using my extensive genius and burning desire to know all, I have compiled this syllabus of what's what in Sci-Fi today and beyond. I assure you, there is no higher authority on the subject of Science Fiction than I, as I was recently named 'Miss Sci-fi' by the website 'kittyisreallyoverlord.com', a homeless man I gave a dollar to, and Wendell, my invisible friend, although Jake persists on calling him 'imaginary'. Pfft! Big words coming from someone who can't even tell me why a 'black hole' is black! Anyway, I hope you find my guide informative and entertaining. And to those of you who don't, you're probably the type that prefers Picard to Kirk! And we all know what kind of an idiot that is!
PT. 1: HOW TO PLAN YOUR CONVENTION WEEKEND:
Making the most of your time over the three greatest days of your life (until next year's convention).
4:32 A.M.- Parental unit drops you off in front of the convention. Make way towards the gates of heaven, or if we must be technical, the entrance.
10 A.M.- Register upon entering convention center. Receive complimentary bag of free goodies, including name tag, a calendar of the events, a bumper sticker for some TV show you've never watched, a button for some book you'll never read, a key chain for some video game they'll actually never make, and two 'CyberBucks' good for two dollars off any purchase of two hundred dollars or more.
10:50 A.M.- Call home, check in with parental unit.
11 – 2 P.M.- Wander around. Get pictures with costumed villains from favorite TV show. Buy trade novels, posters, and autographed memorabilia. Spend CyberBucks immediately. Eat in food court. Go to ATM.
2 – 4 P.M.- Attend screening of latest stupid Sci-Fi film involving an asteroid headed towards earth, a time machine, and/or kung-fu fight sequence. Unless it's animated. Animation blows!
4 – 6 P.M.- Q and A with makers of stupid film. Ask about the sequel, which you don't want to see but would like to post information on your website before anyone else does.
6 – 7:45 P.M.- Go to hotel. Check in. Talk shop with fellow attendees by the ice machine. Go online, post info about sequel. Get dressed for opening night party.
7:45 P.M.- Call home, check in with parental unit.
8-11 P.M.- Attend party. Rub elbows with elite of Sci-Fi television, film, and books. Pass out due to shortness of breath while trying to talk to fave starlet from fave TV show. Blame blackout on 'one too many Shirley Temples'
9 - 9:45 A.M.- Have breakfast
9:45 A.M.- Call home, check in with parental unit.
10 – 2 P.M.- Attend autograph signings. Get autographs from fave film director, comic book artist, syndicated series villain, sidekick robot, mad scientist, and various other 'artists' who seem to have nothing better to do with their time. Not like you at all.
2 – 3:45 P.M.- Eat in food court. Go to ATM. Withdraw last dollar.
3:45 P.M.- Call home, check in with parental unit. Beg for money.
4 – 6 P.M.- More autograph signings. Pick on guy walking around convention in alien bad guy costume from latest Star Trek TV show. Flee for life as it turns out the guy is the real alien bad guy who's there looking for foolish humans to enslave.
6 – 8 P.M.- Make it back to hotel. Trade autographs with fellow attendees by the ice machine. Get dressed for 'Hump Day' party. (People always giggle when I mention this part- I don't understand why!)
8 – 8:22 P.M.- Attend party. Start fight with lame actor who took place of your favorite alien sidekick on fave TV show. Get thrown out. Go back to hotel.
9 – 9:12 A.M.- wander beautiful town in which convention is set. See sights. Get bored. Walk back to convention.
9:55 A.M.- Call home, check in with parental unit.
10 A.M. - 2 P.M.- Wander convention buying wares sold at half price from over-stocked vendors.
2 P.M. - 4 P.M.- Eat at food court. Spend last dollar on side of cheese for nachos (this is all you can afford).
4 P.M. - 6 P.M.- Sell back wares to vendors packing up for half of the half price you originally paid. Eat at food court.
6 P.M. - 8 P.M.- Back to hotel. Put on costume for Closing Night Gala and Costume Contest.
8 P.M. - ???- Attend Gala and roam freely although your picture is given to all security to keep you out. Register for costume contest. Lose to a robot dressed as HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. (Pfft! Like that's original!) Par-tay. Win dance contest, beating a robot whose patented move is 'The Robot'. See fave starlet again, stalk her back to her hotel. Encounter her bodyguards. Black out.
9 A.M.- Awaken in jail. (pray they put you in the 'alien catgirls' cell!). Use one phone call to call home, beg parental unit to get you out. Post bail after parental unit arrives. Get out of town at warp speed. Say good bye to another year. Mail in registration for next year's convention as soon as you get home.
Look in the next installment...
PT. 2: The Guide to the Sci-Female!
Pranksters Gambit Me:♣♦♣♦♤♡:Braingle