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Zombie Voodoo Barn Spirits.... of DOOOOM!!

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Steve1973Aus

Posts: 822

new Posted: 10:46AM Oct 26, 2013

I want to share an incident that happened last night with all you guys. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!

Every year, we host many different events here on the farm for Halloween fun. Last night was an unique and memorable event, and I have to share.

One thing we do is host a "haunted barn" each year, similar to a haunted house - but in a barn. In one of the areas of the barn, we have a bucket of fun: fake arms sticking up in a milking bucket, waiting to be discovered. Every year, some brave guy has to go up and poke things to prove they're not real -- so we add excitement by adding actual chicken guts to the bucket! (Yes, we kill the chickens here on the farm, and BBQ them and either eat them or sell them. They're not just used for the bucket, but are actually consumed themselves for their noble Halloween sacrifice.)

Needless to say once someone reaches in to grab the fake parts, but instead finds the REAL entrails, they go "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Which, in a haunted-theme setting is perfect as it makes everyone else go "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

So last night, this guy and his girlfriend were wandering in the barn. He sees the bucket, and goes over to prove how manly he was. He sticks his hand in, feels the cold slimy squish... Smells the acrid blood smell... And he just... blinks. Then he blinks again.... Another blink...

And then he falls down backwards on the ground, and gives out a bleurg. "bur gluuurrrg rrraahhhg...." So his girlfriend panics and thinks he's having a heart attack. Screaming "HELP! HELP! OH, GOD!! HELP!!" is wonderful as well for a haunted barn....

She rushes over to check him out. He goes all still...

She nudges him.

Slowly he reaches up and strokes her face -- with the blood-covered hand -- and then sits bolt straight up and snaps his teeth at her face!!

At this point, she FREAKY FREAKS!!! Tries to scream but gargles more like it... Runs, falls, runs, falls, runs out of the barn! Across the field... and into..

THE CORN MAZE!!!

Where she promptly gets herself lost...

911 then gets a call, about the "Zombie Voodoo Barn Spirits" which possessed her boyfriend, who now want to EAT her...

4,327,214 police arrive about 20-30 minutes later to my place -- it looks like the hunt for the Unibomber has reached completion on my land...

And I have to escort them through the maze to find this lost, paranoid, wild woman...

When we find her, she clings to the police officer all the way out of the maze -- where she sees her loving, concerned, doting boyfriend. "Hey Sara. What happened? Are you OK?" Words like those, or something similar came from his mouth, and she EXPLODED!!

I did not know a little woman could run that fast; leap that high; or turn fingernails into chainsaw-powered claws of DOOM like she managed to do!! It took 3 officers to pull her off of him!!

***************************************

I have no idea how the drama ended up playing out, as the officers drove off with her and he left on his own after that, but it was AWESOME!!!

I doubt I'll be around much today as I still have to head to bed sometime; and I expect things to be hopping this afternoon when we open back up. The last Saturday before Halloween is always a busy time, but NOTHING says "SCARY BLEEP EVENT" like a 911 call to stop the "zombie voodoo barn spirits!" I imagine we're going to be swamped for business like never before...

I wish you guys could have been here to watch everything unfold. It was one of those unforgettable experiences. I LOVED it!!

Zombie Voodoo Barn Spirits!! Who knew about such things??

A Halloween to Remember.


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dfamina

Simulposter Extraordinaire
Posts: 617


new Posted: 11:32AM Oct 26, 2013

It's probably safe to assume that this is the first time anyone's ever broken up using "Because you tried to eat my face".

Imagine if they were married, and the look on the marriage counselor's face... Provided he didn't try and eat that, too.


---This message was edited on 11:33AM Oct 26, 2013---
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Steve1973Aus

Posts: 822

new Posted: 11:48AM Oct 26, 2013

I can just imagine the girl's parents...

Police car shows up at their home with their daughter, who claims "Zombie Voodoo Barn Spirits possessed my boyfriend and he tried to eat me, until the police came and saved me!"


I wonder what type of insurance Obamacare has that covers such incidents? And how long it'd take to sign up for it and get?


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dfamina

Simulposter Extraordinaire
Posts: 617


new Posted: 11:58AM Oct 26, 2013

And the girl's mom saying "You see, Frank, I always knew that boy was trouble."

"Well ma'am, Obamacare does cover real zombie attacks, but since your boyfriend was only possessed, I'm afraid we can't insure you. We wouldn't be able to bill the spirit inside him, you see..."
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Smithy*en

Posts: 987

new Posted: 02:18AM Oct 27, 2013

...and I thought it was only in cheesy horror films that people would run into a MAZE when frightened.

"They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?" "No man, they got the metric system. The wouldn't know what a Quarter Pounder is."
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kittygirl19cus

Alchemist of Steel
Posts: 694


new Posted: 06:41AM Oct 29, 2013

Joan Stalvern waited. The lights above her blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. She didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Colonel Jason were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Joan was a space marine for fourteen years. When she was young she watched the spaceships and she said to her mom "I want to be on the ships!"
Mom said "No! You will be killed by demons!"
There was a time when she believed her. Then as she got older she stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC she knew there were demons.
"This is Jason" the radio broadcasted. "You must fight the demons!"
So Joan got her plasma rifle and blew up the wall.
"She will kill us!" said the demons
"I will shoot at her." said the cyberdemon and fired the rocket missiles. Joan shot at it and tried to blow it up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" she shouted.
The radio said "No, Joan. You are the demons"
And then Joan was a zombie.


Like I always say, can't find a door, make your own!
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Thekid4t

Posts: 370

new Posted: 09:35PM Dec 4, 2013

I see what you did there.

There's an infamous fanfic that contains the lines
"No John, you are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Kittygirl was playing with it by replacing "John" with "Joan." Also, I'm explaining the joke too much.


---This message was edited on 09:36PM Dec 4, 2013---

Who needs a witty signature anyway?
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